Reyes Gibbs Blog

If I ignore you, you don't exist

While driving in Chicago and Berkeley recently, I realized that there is a new way to violate my right of way and rudely push your way into my lane.  The new way, ignore me, pretend I don't exist and then just turn in front of me or crowd in front of the line.    It's truly amazing how often this happens whether I am a passenger or driving, I know that if the person ignores me that I'd better back off or I may get hit, so ignoring me gets them where they want to be.

I suppose its the same as ignoring the dishes, if I ignore them then it won't bother me that they stack up.  If I ignore the mess on my desk, then I don't have to work.  If I ignore the driver next to me, then I know I have all the room to maneuver, make turns and generally have command of the roadway.   

Is ignore any relation to ignorance?   Oh well, my rant for the day!!

What's your nationality?

Today I had to visit an Opthomalogist at the request of my optometrist.  (I should get points for using four-plus syllable words in one sentece!)   I had an appoinment at 8:30AM and did not leave the office until 11:30.   Before I saw the opthomalogist, I filled out papers, went through two different screenings with two different assistants and sat in a room a long time waiting for my eyes to dilate. One of the screenings involved numbing my eyes and the assistant poking some stick in the middle of my eyeball. (so maybe it wasn't a stick but from my vantage point it was huge!)   It was unnerving to say the least.   I finally saw the doctor around 10:30 and she proceeded to interview me.  One of her first questions were, "what's your nationality?"   

Immediately, in my head I went through the educational process I thought I should say "American" even though I knew that's not what she wanted to hear.  Then I thought I'd mess with her and give her the appropriate language to use instead, "What is your enthnicity?"  But I just said, "Filipino American" 

She apologized for asking as if I was offended and explained that she had to ask because one's "nationalilty" may have some affect on the eye health.  So then I thought, Well, The eyes of citizens of America do see things differently than say, those who are citizens of Nicauragua, citizens of Mexico, citizens of Iraq....get my point....  But of course that's not what she really meant.

After all the probing, focusing my eyes on green dots, bright hurtful lights, and  moving targets, the diagnoses is that I have glaucoma in both eyes.   The treatment is nightly drops in my eyes and back in a month!

A Level Playing Field

I am in Chicago taking a Doctor of Ministry Class, "Culturally Attentive Leadership."   Reading has been interesting, lectures have not been boring, and the folks in my group are all people of faith.   Learning about  managing conflict, understanding different cultures, and leadership has been interesting.   Today we did an exercise that Dr. Choy led called "The Level Playing Field."   Most folks of color have done this exercise where we all start out in one line and then the leader says, "If your parents weren't born in this country take one step back."  or "If you inherited money from your family take one step forward."   We started in one line holding hands.  As Dr. Choy read more "if" statements around race and privilege, and our steps made the gap between each of us wider, holding hands was not an option.   I ended up outside the room with two of my brothers of color.   The persons in the front ahead of us all were not of color (okay so white is a color).   This exercise brought up feelings from each one of us. Some didn't want to let go of the hands they held.  Others didn't like the way the "if" statements were designed.    I was saddened that the questions were about our past that will never leave folks like me.   So what does that say for the future generations.  If my children did this exercise, they would not have ended outside the room but they would be close to the back because their parents both graduated from high school and have college degrees and their parents were born in this country.  One of the "if" statements was "If you have ever been followed around in a store while shopping take a step back."  I had to take a step back.   I remembered that I was in a Christian book store looking for just the right gift for someone when I noticed that someone was following me pretending to straighten out shelves or look at books.  To test him I started just meandering around the book store, picking up a book and putting it down, touching some figurine, etc.  When he realized that I was playing with him, he came up and asked me if I was looking for something in particular.   I said no and walked out and never went back.

This exercise brought back experiences I had chosen to forget.  The purpose of the exercise was to remind us that there are gaps between us and we need to work hard at filling the gaps. There is no such thing as a level playing field for people of color, women, gay and lesbian, the poor or anyone else on the margins.   And if there are sales clerks in Christian book stores that judge me by my skin color, it seems that a level playing field may be impossible.  For the sake of my granddaughters, I hope not.

Watching a couple....I wonder?

The other day, a couple of my girlfriends and I went to a wonderful place to have lunch next to the ocean.   We didn't get a window seat but one close to the window so that we still had an ocean view and a view of folks walking on the grounds below.   The conversation and food was great.  A wonderful way to spend an afternoon.  The best part was when a couple sat next to the window in front of us   Then the story begins...

She was all dressed up with the dress up to here and the cleavage down to there and high heels.   He on the other hand was in a jersey with the sleeves cut off, shorts, baseball cap and a bit scruffy.  Both had lots of jewelry. but because they were loud I couldn't help but notice them.  They weren't speaking English so we couldn't eavesdrop well.  Because of their appearances the questions came.   Are they married?  Are they having an affair?  Are they just friends?  Did he pick her up?   Okay so its none of my business but people watching is such great fun.  And they were talking  in another language so the only way to translate to eavesdrop was to watch them!!

As we continued with our lunch we could not help but notice that the man kept  leaning over the table to feed her.  I thought "maybe she has a physical condition."  But no she had full use of her hands.    Bite by bite he would spoon food into her mouth.  It wasn't even sexy it was like, "here eat this!"  It wasn't a, "Gosh this is good, want a taste?"    Okay so I made some comment about him feeding her but each couple is different.   Then he fixed her tea, pouring honey into it stirring it and then letting her sample it.    This wouldn't be such a big deal for me but the cup was in front of her the whole time, he kept reaching over the table which of course made me watch him more.    Then we started saying, that he probably will go with her to the bathroom too!!! laughing about so much attention.  (maybe envy on our part).  So guess what, she leaned over to him, he got up and walked her to the bathroom.  I didn't dare to see if he went in with her too!!!

Then he tells the waitress this is "my wife." Maybe that was for our benefit.  The only time he spoke English.  So we noticed that they had rings, big diamonds. so maybe he is just a doting slob.  Then, she pulls out two cell phones and puts them on the table!!!  Then we started wondering why two cell phones?  Then she pulled out her money to pay the bill and they did the arguing back and forth about paying, eventually he did pay.  Boy what a wife!   I mean, "Boy, what a life!"

My Mental Health at the Eye Doctor

I am staring at this screen using dark glasses because I just got back from my optometrist appointment.   It's been over six hours and I still can't take the dark glasses off.  The dilating of my eyes, I can deal with but those other tests drive me crazy.

I think that the tests optometrists give are to determine whether or not I am paranoid schizoprhenic.  Here's why:

When measuring my eyesight, I am put behind these huge blinder things.   He tells me to put my forehead on the provided area.   I know that most machinery is built for folks with bigger noses or at least noses that protrude because my face ends up being flat up against the eyepieces and I end up fogging up the lenses.    So he sets me up with the right lenses and proceeds to test my mental capacity by putting a lens in front me me and making me read tiny letters.  This isn't the test.  The test is when he starts changing the lenses and saying, Which is better? No. 1 or No. 2 -He's moving the lenses back and forth.   So I say its about the same.  Then he says, okay as he changes the lenses again,  No. 1 or No. 2, I say No. 1, then he changes the lenses and says 1 or 2,  I say 2 is clearer, then he switches and says No. 2 or 3, all the while changing  the lenses making me wonder if there is a plan or a trick to all this, after five minutes of this (the test lasted longer than five mnutes!) I'm ready to say that I'm cured!!!!  Okay so I must have said the right number combination and he walks me down the hall to another test.

He says this test checks my peripheral vision.  Many of you have done this but in case you are reading this and don't know what I'm talking about, this test puts your head in a bowl shaped disc thingy, they place a handle with a button on the top, in our hand and then tell you to focus on the red light in the center and whenever you see a flashing green light, press the button.  When you do this, a machine next to the bowl shaped disc thingy  charts your moves making a sound reminiscent of iBM punch cards (okay some of you have no idea what I am talkiing about)  Okay so this test seemed simple enough.  Until you are seeing the lights go off and you aren't coordinated to see the light and press the button all at the same time.   I am that uncoordinated one   I needed practice.  I was intense.  I saw a green light. I pressed the button.  But having your head in a bowl shaped disc thingy by yourself can make your imagination start to say "maybe the lights flashed and I missed it, I must be going blind."  or "I better press the button now because the lights must have flashed "  then I'd tell myself stop thinking and press the damn button.   At any rate, I was a mess!    Red lights, green lights,pressing the button and the sound of a machine keeping track of my "mistakes" made me want to run, bolt out of that room and say, "I give up!"  I won't look out the sides of my eyes anymore and I'll swear I don't have eye in the back of my head!

So between the "Is it No 1 or No. 2, No 2 or No. 3, No. 3 or No.2, or No. 2 or No. 1." and the Eye Hand coordination or lack of coordination test - I have decided these tests are about your mental capacity  using the guise of eye exams.   

All that and I don't need a new pair of glasses!#@!! But I am wondering about my mental health?  Did I hear you say something?

A View in the City

Right now I am sitting on the front porch of my son's home in San Francisco.   Its got a great view of the elementary school, the park across the street and the corner liquor store.  I've been able to see  couple of cars creep through the four-way stop sign and the satisfaction of watching a police car pull them over.   Its been  a busy 20 minutes.  Bruce's street is a very busy street with all the shades of folks, different languages, school buses, police cars, postal trucks.  I know that for many this wouldn't be a fun place to live.  The neighborhood has a history of drug dealings, shootings and murders.   YIKES!!! and I'm on the front porch, there are hundreds of blocks like this in the city and people have to live there and they make the best of living here and for most to make it a better place.   Houses in the community are being worked on, the City is doing major remodeling and work in the park across the street, and the police department is working well with the folks who want them here.  And now there is a very dainty hummingbird in the lavender bush.   I see hope here. 

Just sitting here I have met a "Lolo" (Filipino for grandfather) going to the neighborhood school picking up his nine year old granddaughter.   He saw me sitting on the porch, said hello, and then asked the question that I knew he would ask, "Are you Filpina?" Immediately, said yes but told him I didn't speak the langauge.And as always, I begin my rehearsed dialogue, "My parents wanted me to be American and stopped speaking to me when I was four years old."    We proceeded to talk over the fence as he shared he had seven grandchildren and he takes care of three of them after school. He told me where he lived and how long he's lived in the neighborhood.  He said he liked to watch the plants in Bruce's yard bloom. He showed me his walker that his son "makes" him take when he goes outside.   Then on the way back, his granddaughter was using the walker. I yelled at them and said, "lolo needs that walker."    They stopped again, I met his granddaughter who is nine, we talked about Bruce's plants in the front yard and wished each other a "good day."   

I think that in a large city  like San Francisco folks are looking for community through something that they can share, perhaps values, cultures, race, or children.   In the Suburbs, we believe we have community but I haven't spoken to a neighbor in months and I don't know my neighbor's names.  I do watch their cars move.  The only time I am in my front yard is when my granddaughters come and play in the front rocks.  And sitting on my front porch doesn't provide me with a view of life that the city provides. The view in San Leandro should remnd me that being comfortable and picking where you can live is a privilege  A privilege not all have.